I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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