Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
