my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
