having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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