Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
