I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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