dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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