i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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