im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
