Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
