Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
