I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
