I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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