Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
