go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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