I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
