just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
