your parents love me but you hate me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
