I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
