I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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