Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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