why didn't you poke me back
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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