I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
