My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
