If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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