Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
