I think my fart just growled at me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
