Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
