We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
