ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
