I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
