i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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