I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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