i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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