He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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