i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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