One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize