We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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