tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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