I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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