I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
