Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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