No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
