Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
