i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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