He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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