this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
