Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
