Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
