____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
