I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS