90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
this is an emotional support booty call
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm