I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.