I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage