im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.