i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.