i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize