Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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