Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
