This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize