And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so let's talk penis.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
