Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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