the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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