I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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