I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
