there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
